Full Circle

There is no looking back

I was riding through Montana in the middle of June, thinking, man I'm finally going... I promised I'd go back, and nothing but a stronger tailwind could possibly make me ride faster, harder, and with more determination to fulfill that gift. The world spun madly under me...



I opened my eyes... early in the morning in California, four months earlier... hadn't slept for days after that phone call. I'd failed. Because of a decision I made years ago... because I can't stop dreaming

Met him 10 years ago in Colorado. Could tell instantly he was a great man. He's gone now. And we all miss him.



The route started in Cali in early June. They had an airplane booked out for mid-July to go to the funeral. I took the horse instead. Because my friend loved to ride, and some of the most beautiful mountains on earth were on the way. I had promised

I saw someone who looked just like him today. It's strange every time it happens. You always stare and your bowels twist up a little, and you forget for just that moment that time only passes by in one direction...



It's been a quiet autumn. in this desert the leaves don't change color. There are no snowmen... no sweaters, and fires burn too hot. I miss the midwest.

It was a tender July in the east coast. I met his family, and his friends, and his lover, and we celebrated his life and drank some good beer, the kind he would like.



My horse has been there for all the good memories. He makes wind for me, and that dynamo of a force gusts past my lips and slides around my ears. I take a deep breath, turn my head to the side, and let the tendrils of the breeze suck the cool air back out of my lungs. Feels like a good kiss...

Crazy Horse is still without a ride after 80 years... so he borrowed mine



When you fly somewhere, you might get trapped there. You burden other people with rides to and from the airport, they are stuck with you when the flights delay for a couple days. You have no means to run away. And when all you want to do is get the heck out... you wish you had your own ride

We rode. For five days we rode. It was laughter, streaks of trees, streaks of corn fields, comfort... elation... solace. And when it was over I ran away to bury my friend



And the quiet autumn led to a quiet end of the year. Very quiet. Trying not to lose some of those images... fighting these clouds... the darkness between the fireflies. Fighting... trying just to see them. Trying to... forget? No, forgetting is the easy way out. Always remember that you should always remember...

After heading back west... I found a better spirit to take care of the horse. Man those were good years. But it's time for another kind of ride. There is no looking back. It's been so.... so... so... so... beautiful. I look ahead, and I always see you. Thank you.

Someone else's pony



And just like that... I'm back, where I started. You can run the biggest race in the world and find yourself right here again... After I handed over the keys, I still see the mountains, the lake, the glaciers, the buffalo, the cornfields, the casket, the pelting rain, the 112 degree asphalt... and that smile. I'll always see that.

Each time you experience it you're a little more grounded, a little more forgiving of the rough edges... and with that, a little less willing to take risks... which is why you learn to enjoy the little things. Sometimes they hurt, most of the time they don't, but they are beautiful... and they don't ever come back. Make sure you punch holes in the firefly jars