back to the source

Wasn't really sure where to start this one. But maybe that is telling me something already. The physicists and cosmologists these days are now saying there was no beginning... just an expansion where there was previously not one... just a planet where there was previously cosmic goop. All that goop was an unimaginably powerful point source of beautiful energy before matter even had the laws to exist.

And such are the chapters in life. We can say one ends and another begins, but all we really have are milestones with which to mark the map as we ride along. Pretty neat map too... you can only read what's behind you.

So going back to the initial thought. Maybe there's a reason that skydivers never use the f-word (the one that ends in "-irst"). Or why, and forgive me for jumping (yuk yuk) straight to a completely different level, in the Beginning God was already there to create Heaven and Earth. Life is not "Dan was born in 1981, did a lot of silly things, passed away in xxxx, and leaves behind a wonderful wife..." (and was apparently optimistic about meeting a girl to begin with). Real life is a continuity of beautiful energy. Energy that flows in one direction, without boundaries. And even though we can't go against the tide, we can always reach back to the origin and feel that energy carrying us, always. From goop to stardust to these silly postings to that bridge we all gotta cross at some point... to whatever's on the other side.

I actually did some time traveling while transferring all this stuff to blogspot and am adding a few words here. I need to admit that I believe the only way I can express anything is in writing. I guess in person I prefer a few spoken words, and would rather smile at your beautiful face for what can sometimes be a dopamine fueled eternity before trying to say something silly to make you laugh. And it comes to me... the continuity. I like looking back at these milestones, and I guess this is a way of being able to do that, even if these ramblings have meaning only to me.

I had better get back to the subject or I may not get to sleep tonite… and my dog is already out and drooling on my side of the bed. Seven years ago, I heard a neat song during a movie. The next day I bought my first instrument… although I never quite learned to play it well. Three years ago, sometime after I fell off the horse, a buddy gave me some music to listen to. There was one dobro solo which knocked my socks off… so I bought another instrument, and to this day I torture my friends' eardrums. Well, those two songs happen to be performed by a couple folks in the same band. Tonight I saw them perform together. From their fingers to my ears… no CD in between. And I reached right into that source and tapped into that beautiful energy. And to time travel again... thank you, the one who joined me for that, even though I know you disliked the music... I guess I never realized until it was too late that you were just making an effort to be with me. sorry i screwed it up. all of it.

This morning in church I felt something I hadn't felt in a long, long time. Whatever it was, it chiseled away a little at some of the restraints in my chest which I wish weren't there. And I felt the continuity. Thanks to you again for bringing me along and opening me up (you will probably never read this).

Another musician I admire came into town randomly earlier this week and filled my head with magic.

The chapters and the milestones. In another few months, I have a feeling I'll be laying down another one. And I have no idea which way the boat will go after I throw my sheets up for the next good wind (I also have no idea why I like using the sailing metaphor so much). And so I ride along, looking for another chance to take the scenic route. Gosh that sounds familiar.

Thank you for your energy. For this momentum. For the chance to share it with companions. For the new friendships I have found in a few short months. For the patience to let life figure itself out for me. So I can enjoy the trip… and reach back every once in a while.